question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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