I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
as a side note pls kill me
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
