Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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