so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
