i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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