Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
