I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
