Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
