you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
