I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
