used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
A bitchslap is in order.
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