just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
