i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
