why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
