The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
