I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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