i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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