my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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