Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
