He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
