Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
