I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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