She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
