I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
