Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
