You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
