You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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