Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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