I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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