I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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