So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
