WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
