bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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