I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
