I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
