I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
