help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You have to summon your inner elephant
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
