Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
