in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
