Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
