I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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