just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
