My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
