Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
