It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
