Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
