Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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