you guys were way drunker than both of me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
