38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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