I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
In other news, I just burned my penis
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
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