My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
