I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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