Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
